20. UnCondiotional Pure True Love
کھُلی جب کہ چشمِ دلِ حزیں ،تو وہ نم رہا ، نہ تری رہی
ہوئی حیرت ایسی کچھ آنکھ پر کہ اثر کی بے اثری رہی
Today I’m here to discuss the most misunderstood topic in the world: Love.
In the Quran Allah almighty said:
He taught Adam the names of all things, then He presented them to the angels and said, “Tell Me the names of these, if what you say is true?” (2:31)
They replied, “Glory be to You! We have no knowledge except what You have taught us. You are truly the All-Knowing, All-Wise. (2:32)
”Allah said, “O Adam! Inform them of their names.” Then when Adam did, Allah said, “Did I not tell you that I know the secrets of the heavens and the earth, and I know what you reveal and what you conceal?”(2:33)
From this, we understand that we only know the names of things and their mechanisms. Or we know what’s good or bad, but we don’t grasp the actuality of things. In your entire life, with all your knowledge, there’s nothing you truly know in its actual essence.
For example, we know about a matchstick — it’s used for heat, and we understand its benefits and harms. But what is it in actuality? What is heat in its essence? Is it just the composition of some gases? What are gases in their actuality? The stick comes from wood, which comes from a tree, and the tree comes from a seed. What is a seed in its actuality?
When we delve deeper, we realize we don’t know the essence of things; we just possess information. Our knowledge is limited. When we accept our ignorance, the door to true knowledge opens. If the Creator has already declared that humans are ignorant, why do we hesitate to accept it?
Indeed, We offered the trust to the heavens and the earth and the mountains, but they ˹all˺ declined to bear it, being fearful of it. But humanity assumed it, ˹for˺ they are truly wrongful ˹to themselves˺ and ignorant ˹of the consequences˺,(33:72)
Actually, it will never happen that simply knowing things will change your life completely or prevent difficulties. You will still face challenges, but the way you handle them will differ.
For some, the damage might come in the form of stress, anxiety, or even depression, causing them to lose steadfastness. However, a person who has knowledge and understanding may remain steadfast, and the damage they experience will likely be less severe.
˹O Prophet,˺ “Are those who know equal to those who do not know?”(39:9)
Patience is a byproduct of knowledge. People often think patience can be developed on its own, but they don’t realize it stems from knowledge.
As Prophet Khizar said to Hazrat Musa (AS), whenever he performed a task too difficult for an ordinary person to comprehend, Hazrat Musa (AS) would question it. Prophet Khizar would reply, “The things I know, you do not know. You will not be able to remain steadfast with me, so have patience.”
Moses said to him, “May I follow you, provided that you teach me some of the right guidance you have been taught?”(18:66)
He said, “You certainly cannot be patient ˹enough˺ with me.(18:67)
And how can you be patient with what is beyond your ˹realm of˺ knowledge?”(18:68)
Moses assured ˹him˺, “You will find me patient, Allah willing, and I will not disobey any of your orders.”(18:69)
He responded, “Then if you follow me, do not question me about anything until I ˹myself˺ clarify it for you.”(18:70)
if you are sensitive and emotional, congratulations to you, and here’s a prediction. Allah has blessed you with immense energy and extra sensory perceptions that most people don’t have. You may get angry quickly, rush through tasks, and often have weak intentions.
However, one of two outcomes has been decreed in your fate. Either you may succumb to depression and sleeping tablets, or you may attain the honor of acceptance in the court of Allah Almighty and draw closer to Him. The choice of which path to take is yours.
Now the time has come to explore and dissect love in all its forms: self-love, first love, love for the opposite gender, love between husband and wife, one-sided love, love for parents, and love for material possessions like houses, cars, and wealth. We’ll also touch on unconditional and conditional love, and most importantly, love for Allah.
With my limited knowledge, I will attempt to dive into just one part of this vast ocean and explore one direction deeply. The rest of the ocean is yours to navigate — I will only provide glimpses and reflections to guide you on what it might feel like when you dive in.
Firstly, what is love? It’s a passion, emotion, sense of feeling, energy — essentially a running positive energy (the highest form of energy is love). Like envy is a negative energy, love is its positive counterpart.
Energy contains heat and a spark, which is why its main center is the heart — it can be felt there. Desire is the driving force of life, and whether it’s physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual, it stems from external triggers. That demand is love.
Love is a rizq, defined by Allah Almighty and distributed according to His will — who gets how much and when. When it comes, energy burns, and all the body’s organs invest in channeling that energy. It’s a sacred energy.
We love others in actuality so that someone will love us back. In truth, we desire someone to love us; that’s why we express love towards others. From the very first day, we know we are nothing. Humans are always in search of someone to whom they can completely open up and share their deepest selves.
We love someone so we can feel like we become something. We want someone to discover us, to exhaust themselves in understanding us, and in return, we exhaust all our energy (love) for them, hoping they will spend their energy (love) on us.
The love of humans is essentially a side effect of loneliness. We are born alone. Deep down, humans know they are utterly lonely in this vast universe. From the very first day, they strive to escape that truth, engaging in distractions and activities to avoid confronting it.
For an experiment, someday, sit alone in a room without doing anything — just sit with yourself. Observe how much time you can truly spend alone without any distractions. It will reveal how far you are from Allah Almighty.
Now let’s examine a mechanism: the love towards matter (humans, wealth, and other things). How do we get involved in loving them? And why do some lovers become “ashiq jinon” (madly in love)?
Allah Almighty has instilled certain habits in humans by default, but some habits are shaped by us and later become part of our default settings as we grow. One of these is comparison. From childhood, parents compare us with other children in studies; as we grow, teachers compare us in various aspects. This constant comparison leads to a subtle form of self-insult.
The result of comparison is a gap: A — B = I. This gap creates human attraction to beautiful things. Whenever we see something more beautiful or appealing than what we possess, we naturally get drawn to it.
This attraction progresses into investment — we start investing our time, money, and energy in that thing. As humans, we become attached to anything we invest in. For example:
- A watch you bought for a high price has more value in your life because you invested a significant amount of money into it.
- Similarly, if you invest your time in a human, you will grow attached to that person because your time and energy are tied to them.It is bound to happen (investment leads to attachment)
If he doesn’t get what he desires — like struggling to buy something but failing, or striving to reach out to a girl and failing — the process intensifies. Comparison creates a gap, the gap leads to investment, and investment leads to attachment. This triggers a default nature given by Allah Almighty: possessiveness.
He starts thinking, “That’s mine,” and becomes possessive of that thing or person. When the attachment and investment are overwhelming, possessiveness can turn into violence. He might act out, go to extremes, or even commit brutal acts like robbery or worse, just to fulfill that sense of ownership.
This is one process. Now imagine multiple concurrent processes happening in his life:
- He wants good health and exercises to prevent illness.
- He seeks love to avoid hate.
- He respects parents to avoid azab.
It’s like he’s building walls of security on all four sides. But when these walls start to crumble — like being diagnosed with an incurable disease while wanting to live long, or repeatedly failing to achieve something he desires — this constant “NO, NO, NO” in life creates a void.
To fill this void, he seeks refuge in someone’s love or affection. He wants to find solace in the care of another person, hoping it will make him “something.” However, if that love or affection is not reciprocated, the void deepens. Day by day, he becomes more violent, sad, and depressed.
Now, it’s important to discuss first love. People say first love is unforgettable. Why? When we are young, testosterone in males and estrogen in females are at their peak, and adrenaline and dopamine are flowing in high shock voltages through the body, with energy levels at their highest. When a male gets a woman for the first time, or a female experiences love with a man for the first time, they feel love at its peak, those energy shocks are intense. Even a little resistance from the other person feels so hurtful, and the love (energy) at its peak is unforgettable.
But when this happens in life, because the brain has already experienced these peaks and adjusted them as normal, we don’t feel those intense love shocks anymore. The memory with emotions becomes stronger, but we don’t feel it again. This is why we always say, first love is unforgettable.
Now, moving forward, both lovers get married. The discovery process begins. He is discovering her, and she is discovering him. Over time, years pass, and there comes a point when their discoveries start to synchronize. At this point, the derivative becomes zero. A person has been completely discovered.
Now, the repetition process starts. The same daily discussions, the same topics that have been discussed before — talks about getting a big house, having children, planning for the future — everything becomes routine. Eventually, a person starts to feel bored. You already know what the other person will say. The brain stores all these things in the norms section, where everything becomes a pattern.
When this process starts, the definition of love is completed by both action and reaction. Like she says, “I love you”, and he responds, “I love you too.” Now you both have made an agreement. For the rest of your lives, you will spend your time trying to maintain the truth of that statement. Both will make efforts — if he makes an effort, she will do the same. So, action + reaction = love, and this cycle continues. Eventually, both exhaust themselves completely, crossing their limits, and removing Allah from the equation. It’s like when we say we love our children; we spend our whole lives making efforts for them, and in return, we want their respect. But if the definition of love isn’t completed — like when you are making efforts but the other person isn’t reciprocating — then emotional damage happens, and depression follows.
The third thing is this: Before marriage, a male’s mind is shaped by culture, parents, teachers, friends, society, and social media, all of which give him different perspectives about a wife. He may believe she has to cook for him, fulfill his desires, obey him, and be a slave in the house. For example, if he comes home and sees there is no food, he will look at her through his mental image and say, “Why didn’t you make food?” She might respond, “I was busy and unwell.” This resistance from her image will make him feel insecure, and his possessive nature will take over, leading to violence. He might forget that she was once the princess of someone’s house, played with toys as a child, and is a mother and daughter as well.
Similarly, the wife has been conditioned by her parents and society to always be cautious with her husband, to never share everything about him, and to keep an eye on him. This also creates resistance in her image.
Now, after complete discovery, if there is no reaction and resistance from the other person, the images they have created in their minds begin to clash, leading to the collapse of their unconditional love. This love turns into hate. Moral love turns mortal, and both become mortal.
So, what’s the actual love in that case? The life of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) is the role model for us. Prophet Muhammad’s love for his wives, his companions, his children, his ummah, and most importantly, his love for Allah, was always in balance.
In the first case, if both spouses are gaining knowledge, the real knowledge will come from the Quran. Their responses will change over time. Change is life. The knowledge of the Quran will make their lives so beautiful, revealing new aspects of their personalities that they would never discover in each other throughout their lives. If they spend their whole life gaining knowledge, after 60, people tend to lose their mental sharpness, but those who are continuously attached to learning will not lose their clarity even by 90.
In the second case, we must make efforts within limits. We shouldn’t exhaust ourselves by crossing those limits. If we don’t get a reaction from the other person, we will avoid emotional hurt and maintain some energy in our minds, focusing more on love for Allah.
In the third case, see your spouse as they are in their true image. Do not attach any preconceived notions or information you have about her. Just see her as she is. You need to unlearn everything to truly learn. Seeing the other person outside of your ego circle is called balanced love.
Here is the actual balance of love. With continuous personality growth, knowledge changes, and efforts are not about doing something at peak moments, but rather they should be normal and constant. When you see your spouse in her true image, your responses will be outstanding. The charm of that love will remain in your life, never corroding. That is balanced love.
Now, here comes a point about self-love. It has two meanings. One is self-love, which is love for your image before acquiring knowledge — an ignorant love for your image. The other is “love to self,” which is love for yourself after gaining knowledge.
Now, how to love Allah? A good question! I ask you: How did you fall in love with your loved one? Is there any method or practice you followed to fall in love with him or her? It just happened, and you didn’t even know how. (Mohabbat hoti nahi, ho jaati hai, waise hi Allah se mohabbat bhi ho jaati hai.)
But here, a question arises logically: If my brain has no data or image about anything, my brain can never love or feel affection towards it. For example, if someone tells me in Saudi Arabia in Makkah there is a woman to love, how can I love her? My brain has no data. So, our brain can never love Allah if we don’t have any data about Him. Therefore, firstly, I have to start knowing Him. I can know Him through His wonders — study science, cosmology, astronomy, biology, AI — see how these things are made by Allah. Observe and gain knowledge about Him. Never try to find Allah through your emotions (kafiat), but through your understanding.
Now, in Allah’s love, there is no discovery endpoint because Allah’s knowledge is limitless. The more you know, the more you realize there is still so much you don’t know. We can only see Allah completely on the Day of Judgment, so throughout your life, your love for Him should increase and never stop.
Second, from Allah, there is no reaction that will come directly. The only reaction that has come, and is in our hands, is the Quran. Allah said He loves those who have certain traits, and these traits are what we must develop. One of my favorite lines from the Quran is Surah Al-Furqan, verses 63–77. In these verses, Allah explains whom He loves and the traits of those individuals, which guide us in how we should live. He said, “I am merciful,” so He has already told us His reaction.
Third, from Allah, there is no resistance. You can love Him at great levels without any limits. There is no resistance to how much you can love Allah, and His love is unconditional.
remember Me; I will remember you.(2:152)
You see, it seems to have a condition, but in reality, it does not. In this world, can anyone say, “Love me, and I will love you in return”? Allah says, “If someone has no legs, is very dark or light-skinned, has no beauty, and no respect, but loves Me, I will love him.” SubhanAllah. Only God can claim this; no human can say such a thing. This is unconditional love, unlike all other forms of love, which are conditional.
For example, the person you love so much today, if they go to the deathbed, you may love them for a few more months, but eventually, you will leave them. Where is your unconditional, true, pure love then?
Remember one thing: Love will always remain. It never ends. If it’s in your heart, it’s a rizq, and it will never end. You just have to share it with others according to balance, keeping most of it for Allah.
Love, in its actuality, is unconditional. The truth is, we are often addicted to practices and methods. We always want formulas — like a formula to gain Allah’s love. Some spiritual cults, derived from Buddhism and Hinduism, show you methods that they claim lead to Allah’s love. But that is the path of Satan; you are worshiping Satan if you follow such methods.
Suppose a boy loves a girl who lives in his neighborhood, but then she moves to another street. Does his love end? No. What if she moves to another city? Still, his love doesn’t end. What if she moves to another country? His love doesn’t end. What if she moves to the grave? Does his love end? No, love doesn’t end.
I have love for my mother, and I will always love her whether she’s with me or not. Love is not affected by circumstances; it only requires a change in direction. Initially, it might have been an exhausting, unconditional love towards a human being. Now, you just need to slightly redirect it towards Allah. (Mohabbat ka mil jana is duniya mein, mohabbat ka maut ka ghat utar jana hai.)
There are two gateways through which people take the first step towards Allah. One is the ultimate failure gate: when a person faces a fatal disease or any kind of hardship. In the past, you loved a woman in your youth, but now, in old age, you are seeking Allah’s love because you realize your mistake. Allah accepts that too. But what is the real purpose?
For example, when I was 6 years old, I would in a every marriage shouting meri shaddi meri shaddi , running with an ice cream in hand, not even knowing what marriage actually was. At 15, I understood that marriage should be taken seriously, and it became a social occasion where I enjoyed dancing with people. By the time I was in my 20s, I understood that marriage was a contract., At 40s, I will may be able to write an entire book about what marriage means. The knowledge is sharpening as time passes.
Similarly, at 15, I used to concentrate, listen to nasheeds, watch Islamic series, do dhikr, and read wazaiuf books. But was that Allah’s love? Was I finding Allah in mere actions or in the state of mind (kafiat)? It’s as if one day you will come to truly love Allah, but not right now — maybe in the future.
On the other hand, there are people who are born with “premium subscriptions” to Allah’s love. They have the fitrah (pure nature) that keeps them connected to Allah. These people never face ultimate failure; they enter the gates of Allah through the right path and receive His acceptance. They might be 2 in 1000.Second when you remember do zikar of him , Allah will come into your heart and when you do sins , satan will come, thats will continue , never fear where all my emotions now go away , like now im become numb, Is Allah move away from me, not Allah here, phly koi 5–6 saal rola dia apna taluq dikhyia , ab wo la bhi sakta hia dakhy ga kah bandy ka ravyia kesa hai.
And increase your knoweldge the more you know Allah , more you get data and your brain and heart love Him, and never ever complain your sufferings and bring your tears with petition and request for anything in front of any person.
He replied, “I complain of my sufferings and sorrow only to Allah, and I know from Allah what you do not know.(12:86)
Do dhikr daily, almost 10–12 tasbihats. If a person continues this for 3 months, it will become part of their routine, like an addictive cycle.
Pray morning and evening duas, and don’t just focus on long-term duas. For instance, recite duas between Fajr and zujar tasks, and remember Allah. Remember Him like you would remember a toothache while doing every task in life.
To see Allah, you have to see the truth. Allah is the Truth, and the Quran is the Truth. Allah loves the truth so much that you cannot imagine. So when you face any situation, observe it fully, and when you see the truth, either leave or embrace it consciously without attaching any emotions.
For example, if you fall in love with a girl, it’s normal. But you should go to the masjid and say, “Ya Allah, today I’m leaving her, and I will never again speak her name. You know me better than I know myself, closer than my jugular vein.” If she is meant to be in your life, you will meet her, even if it’s in Jannah. If not, you will be protected from the harm and sins you might commit due to violence in such emotions.
If someone falls too deeply and sees no way to come out, they must first begin the acute withdrawal period. Your brain has stored data about that person, with happiness and sorrow moments connected to them. It’s as if that person became a psychological part of you, like an extension of your own body. Now, you’re cutting off that part, and withdrawal will come. The first 2–3 months will involve removing this malfunctioning data with new data, like watching videos of people who are also recovering. Buy a diary and write down, “One day has passed,” every time you feel the urge to look at or talk to that person. If your heart urges you to look at them, refer to your diary to remind yourself that you’re destroying your efforts.
After 3 months and 27 days, the acute withdrawal will transform into a protected withdrawal. Now, after a few days, any triggering moment will cause your subconscious memory to resurface. You may feel sad or lonely, but you won’t fall into depression. It’s protected now. However, if during this period you see or talk to that person, you will relapse. A wave of emotions may begin, and you might stay in it for days. But you must find a way out from it a window. The acute withdrawal will start again, depending on how many years that person was part of your life. Relapses will happen according to the length of the relationship, but throughout this process, never try to see them again. Never think, “I’ll just look once.” The damage will be greater. If they come in front of you, run away without hesitation.
InshaAllah, after 10–12 years, that memory will go so deep into your subconscious that you’ll forget it. If they come in front of you, you’ll feel nothing, or you may have moved on, married, or found someone better. Your previous memories will be overwritten by new experiences.
It’s easier said than done. This is not easy. People who go through it need great courage. When a gust of wind brings back the memories, it’s overwhelming, and the pain in your heart seems unbearable. You may feel like crying, your face might droop, and your strength might fail. But you must not give up. Allah is watching. He knows everything. First, you were tested in a physical trial, but now the most sacred and pure feelings are being tested. He’s watching everything and testing you to see how you will react.
Life is just one pixel in a bigger picture. Life is full of challenges. Diseases will come, and one day people will say, “He was doing well, how did he leave us without us even knowing?” The truth is, we exist because He wills it, and when He wills it, we will cease to exist. But the important thing is how we react — what was our attitude towards Him, how did we live our lives? I’ve seen people doing zikr for 50 years, yet they never leave Allah, even when they have nothing and no desire to live.
If you’re feeling sad, look for where your happiness has gone. I’ve heard people say, “Eid is for children,”(is sa barh kar koi gali nai suni) or similar things. Where did your happiness go? Seek it out and find it.
Seek knowledge and pray for it. Say, “Ya Allah, guide me to the straight path.”
Of all of Allah’s servants, only the knowledgeable ˹of His might˺ are ˹truly˺ in awe of Him.(35:28)
Always occupy yourself with these four tools and one “nuclear bomb” to tackle any situation: knowledge, patience, tawakul (trust in Allah), and taqwa (God-consciousness). Use any of these tools depending on the situation you face. The last one, the “nuclear bomb,” is self-reflection and observation. When all else fails, reflect deeply and observe attentively, without attaching any emotion. Consciously observe the situation and identify where Satan entered your palace. See which of your tools was weak, where you became lazy, and where you missed the opportunity to use them effectively.
Life will pass, whether you love Allah or not. All love is good, and I understand the struggles we go through. The purpose of this article is not to say that everyone should abandon love for others and become a beggar in devotion. Love is a pure and true feeling, as pure as Allah’s truth. When we claim to love, we bring purity, truthfulness, and longing into our hearts. It’s either true or very complex, but why do we always ignore Allah? For the person you love, you make an effort, you never do anything that would harm them. Your mind constantly thinks about them, their presence brings you happiness, you give them gifts,Any single tears in thier eyes makes you fully hurt that you apologize for a long, and you could spend hours just looking at them. Time and space vanish when you talk to them, so why aren’t we as devoted to Allah? This is from your Lord. Allah is everywhere. Satan distracts us with sins so that we don’t love and think about Allah.
Then, why is it so difficult to offer 45 minutes of prayer in an entire day? We are all liars. We say we love Allah, but our actions don’t reflect it. A person came to me and said, “I did so many sins that earthquake occurred, what should I do?” I asked him, “What did you do after that?” He said, “I had dinner.” I told him, “Allah sent the earthquake to make you reflect on your actions.” Allah wants us to succeed on the Day of Judgment. The biggest regret in Jannah will be the moments we spent without remembering Him.
How can we sin with these eyes? These eyes are meant to see Allah Almighty. The greatest punishment for disbelievers on the Day of Judgment is that they will never be able to see Allah. Imagine that — really, we can’t imagine. But I know you are pure, kind, and have a heart given by Allah. If you’re reading this, it’s because Allah wants you to love Him. Remember, the world will never see your heart, no matter how much you explain they will never see 0.00001% purity of your heart and truthfulness , Like when you see a person full of devotion on the street , and in the car, someone you love passes by and they don’t care. Only your Lord knows what’s in your heart, and He is the one who truly values it. But we fail to give Him that value, as He deserves.
وَمَا قَدَرُوا۟ ٱللَّهَ حَقَّ قَدْرِهِۦ
Or inhon na Allah ki qadar wasy nai ki jesa uski qadar karny k ahaq tha (39:67)
I have to stop my self with one dua here for you , my dear readers
RasoolAllah Ne Irshad Farmaya: Hazrat Dawud Alaihis Salam Ki Duaon Mein Se Aik Dua Ye Hai:
اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَسْأَلُكَ حُبَّكَ وَحُبَّ مَنْ يُحِبُّكَ وَالْعَمَلَ الَّذِي يُبَلِّغْنِي حُبَّكَ . اللَّهُمَّ اجْعَلْ حُبَّكَ أَحَبَّ إِلَيَّ مِنْ نَفْسِي وَأَهْلِي وَمِنَ الْمَاءِ الْبَارِدِ .
“Aye Allah! Main Aap Se Aap Ki Mohabbat Mangta Hun Aur Us Shaks Ki Bhi Mohabbat Mangta Hun Jo Aap Se Mohabbat Karta Ho Aur Aisa Aml Chahta Hun Jo Mujhe Aap Ki Mohabbat Tak Pohnchade, Aye Allah! Aap Apni Mohabbat Ko Mere Liye Meri Jaan, Mere Ahle Khana, Aur Thande Pani Se Bhi Zyadah Mahboob Bana Di Jiye.” (Jami’ at-Tirmidhi: 3490).
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